Plucking up the courage to tell someone you want to be more than friends is as scary as it gets. The thousand “What ifs?” that rear their ugly head as you try to find the confidence to confess your crush are enough to make anyone run in the opposite direction. “What if they don’t feel the same?”. “What if you trip up on your lines and it comes out wrong?”…oh god, “What if you read the situation totally wrong?”
As much as these ‘what ifs’ might be roaring in your head – stop. Even thinking about confessing your crush makes you super brave, so get all those niggly feelings of doubt out out of your mind right now. You have 100% got this.
We’ve pulled together our top tips to help you tell that special someone how you feel, confidently. Follow these simple steps and seize the day!
Find the right moment
For the best chances of this being a positive and non-awkward experience, it’s important to try to time it right. That doesn’t mean waiting for the stars to align, but it does mean finding a time that’s as relaxed and natural as possible. So don’t do it in the company of others, and definitely don’t do it if you’re drunk.
If you’re already hanging out as friends, then time it with one of your activities you already love to share together. Be that having a coffee break during work, or walks around the park at lunchtime. Find a time where you’ll both be at ease and most ‘you’, and go for it!
This is tough, but it’s really important that – whatever you say and however you frame it – you’re clear. If you beat around the bush or try to hide behind euphemisms, you run the risk that the other person will miss what you’re trying to say.
Don’t shy away from the scary phrases like ‘go on a date’, or ‘be more than friends’. In fact, you should quite literally say the words ‘I want to take you on a date’. Yes, it requires a ton of courage to be that candid, but it’s a level of honesty that you deserve for both yourself and the other person.
Don’t be pushy or too direct
Create a clear choice for the other person – say, “I just wanted to be honest and share my feelings with you, but there’s no pressure for you to do or say anything.”
The worst thing would be to make the other person feel that they run the risk of ruining the (platonic) relationship if they don’t feel the same. By being so openly considerate of the other person’s feelings, and not placing pressure or expectation on their reply, you’ll set yourself up for a mutually respectful experience.
Don’t get your friends involved
Whilst it might be really tempting to get other people involved in the process – don’t. It’s fine to confide in close mutual friends, but when it comes down to doing the deed, that has to be on you.
Not only could it be really awkward for your mutual friends to find themselves in the middle of something they’d rather not be, it’s also just the more mature decision to take matters into your own hands.
Expect the best, prepare for the worst
In an ideal world, you’ll share your feelings with your crush and learn that they feel exactly the same. You’ll head off on a magical date, and it will be the start of a beautiful, exciting, whirlwind romance. You’ll wonder why you waited so long, or how you could ever be friends when it’s this amazing being so much more than that.
Whilst we’d love for this ideal scenario to pan out, you should be prepared that it might not.
Yes – this would suck, and your ego might be a little bruised. But what you did required courage and emotional openness, and if the other person doesn’t feel the same, it doesn’t mean that you did something wrong. We’ve all been rejected, and no matter the outcome of this process you need to have absolute faith and confidence in yourself – no-one else but you can validate how wonderful you are.
Set yourself a deadline
If you’ve made the decision to tell your crush how you feel, then it helps to set a deadline for when you’ll go ahead and do it. This is something that’ll be really easy for you to procrastinate on, and the longer you wait the more of a big deal it will feel. So set yourself a day by which you want to have shared your feelings, and then stick with it.
Whatever the outcome of this process, approach it with open-heartedness and acceptance. Hopefully it’ll be the start of something beautiful, but if it isn’t then that’s ok too. Keep it simple, be honest, and then accept whatever outcome you get.