Let’s start with the bad news: There is no such thing as Mr Right.
What we mean by that is this – there is no one perfect individual that will tick all the boxes. There is not that one person that will make you 100% happy and fulfilled in every way for all of eternity. That’s just too much pressure to put onto any human being!
Yet, here at DBMH we firmly believe there’s someone out there who’s just right for you. Someone whose flaws are actually a great match for yours. Someone with whom you’re going to laugh and (very occasionally) fight as you grow old together.
On the other hand, there is definitely such a thing as a Mr. Wrong — maybe you’ve already gone through that experience once. Maybe your heart has been broken multiple times.
If you feel like you are constantly wasting your time on the wrong people, it’s time to make some changes.
Here are some tips on how to find true love.
You Find True Love by Identifying Your Patterns
We all have some patterns in our life, even ones we know aren’t serving us.
But as a very smart person once said: The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
If you want to change the script of your romantic life (or lack thereof) you first need to know what you’re doing wrong and why.
Do you have a thing for pretty boys who turn out to be shallow? Are you attracted to smart, deep women who tend to be emotionally unavailable? Do you get smitten by the smooth talkers who don’t follow through with their beautiful words?
There are several types of “Mr./Mrs. Wrong” out there. So take some time to think about all your past dates and identify some common characteristics.
Make a list with the pros and cons for each one of your past relationships or dates. And try to identify your reasons for choosing these people.
What needs did you think they would cover? Attention? Intellectual stimulation? Just being easy on the eye? What traits were most important to you?
It may sound like a lot of work, but before seeking out true love, you need to first figure out who you are.
You Find True Love by Listening to The People Who Love You
Did you do that self-assessment we suggested above and still end up in bad dates you don’t know how to get out of?
It is entirely possible you’re not being 100% honest with yourself — or that you have some blindspots. And that’s totally okay. That’s why you have a network of friends, family and people who support you.
If you can’t seem to figure out what you’re doing wrong or what your patterns are, don’t be afraid to reach out to your tribe. Ask them what they really thought about your last few dates, show them the list you made, even. You may be surprised at their insights and at how soon they had your latest Mr Wrong all figured out.
Important: Make sure the people you reach out to have your best interests in mind. Your best friend or your mom may occasionally project their own patterns and fears on you – after all, they love and want to protect you. It’s on us to evaluate whether we can trust their judgement of a particular situation.
You Find True Love by Doing Your Research
It’s easy to jump straight into daydreaming about follow up dates, couple trips, or epic adventure elopements with your new flame (which, sure, can be even more romantic than a traditional wedding).
But first you need to make sure they don’t have any major skeletons in their closet. And by skeletons, we don’t mean that embarrassing photo with an ex we all have somewhere in our social media.
We mean the big stuff: like, are they a good person? Do they have a girlfriend they have forgotten to mention when you first hooked up? How do they treat their ex partners? Do they seem to pick fights online and insult people who have different opinions from them?
Take time to get to know each other. Especially if you meet someone online and don’t know any real life people who can vouch for them. Hang out a couple of times, meet their friends, see them at their best but also when they have had a bad day at work.
It’s easy to keep up a facade for the first few dates, but eventually our personalities will shine through. That is the moment where we can determine whether this is a match for the long run – or a flame that dies down as quickly as it was sparked.
Which brings us to the next point…
You Find True Love by Ditching FOMO And Getting Real Online
There’s nothing inherently bad about online dating (as long as you know these 10 things first).
In fact, we love how convenient it is. It’s a great way to connect you to amazing people you wouldn’t necessarily have come across in your offline life.
But there is also a downside to the convenience.
Do you tend to match with a lot of people just because it’s quick and easy, then feel sort of pressured to go out on a date with them? Do you have a dating app profile that lists a ton of specifics your ideal match should possess? Do you go on a date with someone nice, but afterwards you are already frantically browsing through more dating profiles, because there might be an even better match for you out there?
Don’t fall into those traps.
We know, online dating can be complicated. Taking a good, honest look at your online persona can work wonders. What do you really want to communicate to a potential partner? Adding some new photos and a more accurate description may be just what you need in order for your date life to get back on track.
And remember to give yourself some time to get to know people better. FOMO is a real thing when online dating. And just because there is an endless stream of potential partners out there doesn’t mean you have to meet all of them in order to know you have found something worth holding on to.
If it all sounds super overwhelming though, you should also remember that it is possible to find love without dating apps.
You Find True Love by Giving Wild Cards A Chance
Finding lasting love is definitely not impossible (there are scientifically proven ways to do it).
But ultimately, dating out of your comfort zone means taking risks. It means taking a chance on that guy who may not look like your type, but who made you laugh and feel safe and warm inside. It means taking that first step. Calling instead of waiting by the phone. And trusting that the right person will find their way to you eventually.
In 2019, not only it is a-okay to ask a guy out first, research shows that it will improve your overall chances at dating! So go ahead, do the thing you’ve never done before. Chances are this time you’ll get different results.
When all is said and done, dating takes time. Are you so busy with work you don’t have time to amp your dating game? Worry not. These 5 tips will help you achieve a better work-life balance.
Connection is what it’s all about. Feel free to reach out to us with any comments or questions you might have, even if it’s only to say hello. If it wasn’t for our beautiful community, this place just wouldn’t feel the same.