The old adage, “If you don’t love yourself, how the hell you gon’ love somebody else?” (thank you Queen Ru), is absolutely true.

Building a great relationship with yourself is not just important to contribute to a healthy romantic relationship, but is essential for your personal long-term mental health. This is turn promotes a positive outlook on life, and creates opportunities. You need to learn to trust yourself, listen to your gut, be reactive to your needs and believe in your potential. Identify the things you don’t like about yourself and work on them. Talk to friends and family about it, those issues are probably a figment of your imagination. Only once you learn to love yourself can you expect to have a meaningful and lasting relationship with somebody else.

It sounds counterproductive and is definitely easier said than done, but don’t become obsessed with finding your perfect partner as soon as physically possible. This forced way of thinking leads to inevitable disappointment when the first guy you meet doesn’t turn out to be husband material and it promotes a negative cycle of misguided hope and frustration.

Instead, go out, meet your friends, spend time with loved ones, and say yes to all social engagements. How many times have you heard couples say they met through friends or at a party? You’ll be surprised what can happen when you’re having the time of your life and radiating fun.

Confidence is key. If you don’t believe you deserve for someone to love you, how will you know it’s the real deal when it comes along?

Many people subconsciously (or indeed consciously) have low self-confidence and this is likely holding them back in many aspects of their lives, not to mention their love life. Doubt and fear are never going to be a good base for a strong and flourishing relationship so it’s important to square up your connection with yourself before looking elsewhere. It’s not fair to expect any future partner to provide this for you so it’s really important you address any confidence issues right away.

Okay, okay, we know you have high expectations for your future partner, but don’t let the pages and pages of tick boxes get in the way of finding The One. If you ask most couples in long-term relationships, I bet they’d tell you their partner is nothing like they’d imagine they would be. And that’s totally okay! Love strikes when you least expect it so be open and receptive. Having tunnel vision will do you no favors so focus on your core morals and let go of everything else.

When you meet people, try not to second-guess or over analyse every conversation and action that unfolds. Don’t look too much into every single signal but be honest if there are red flags. Your gut can be an amazing guide in situations like this, often you already have an idea whether something is untoward or you’re being unnecessarily suspicious. Don’t let thoughts or feelings fester, talk openly and remember to listen to the other person. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Having said that, if you’re hearing alarm bells, don’t ignore them and be honest with your partner.

We really hope you’ve found the above advice useful. Of course, you can get all your ducks in a row but love is very much down to serendipity. Being open and ready can never harm, so the main takeaway is to be happy, enjoy yourself and you’ll find that love turns up just when it’s supposed to. Feeling nervous about a first date? Read this guide before you go.