Sex With an Ex · Is It Ever OK?

It’s a question many of us have asked before and there are so many conflicting opinions. Is sex with an ex ever ok?

Think about the tears, tantrums and massive amounts of chocolate you consumed during the break-up. Still thinking about going back for more? Let’s look at the facts and decide whether sex with an ex is ok.

Why Do You Want to Go Back?

Relationships end for a reason. Maybe you wanted different things, or the communication was lost. The worst reason for all break-ups is because of cheating, which breaks the trust between two people.

If you’ve been cheated on, then you’ll feel damaged and betrayed. The brain goes through five common processes during this time and your thinking can affect your ability to make good decisions. However, the impact of cheating can lead you to choose better mates.

Many would tell you not to have sex with an ex that’s cheated. The emotions will come back and probably cause more damage in the long run. But what about if you both agreed to end the relationship?

Here are some factors that might lead you to search for physical intimacy with your ex.

Photographer: Saraya Joy

You Want the High

It’s been scientifically proven that being in love elevates your dopamine levels. When two people break-up those levels decrease, which can cause feelings of emptiness and depression. Going back to an ex means you can relive those feelings again and feel the surges of dopamine.

You Miss the Comfort

If you broke up because it wouldn’t work out in the long-run, then it’s common to miss the comfort and familiarity of being with your ex. While some people enjoy dating, many of us like “belonging” to another person who accepts us for our flaws.

You Miss Him

Nobody on this earth can say they’ve never regretted a decision. Maybe you thought it was for the best but you miss him! You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone, right?

Photographer: Jerome Park

The Pros of Sex with an Ex

If you’re thinking about harnessing your inner Samantha Jones and turning up on your exes doorstep, then think before you act. Let’s start with the positive aspects of having sex with an ex.

You Know What You’re Getting

Sex is an intimate act, shared between two people (or more if you’re the adventurous type). It’s always hard when we become intimate with a new partner, but with an ex, it’s almost comforting. You know what you’re getting, and you have a connection.

You’re Not Looking for Something Serious

Not everyone wants to jump into a serious relationship after one ends. If you and your ex are in the same place, then why not take advantage of it? However, can you handle being friends with benefits?

You Get Closure

Sex with an ex can give you some much-needed closure. If you’re wondering whether you should get back together, then finding if that spark is still alive can help you decide. Maybe the sex is still great, but the emotion isn’t there anymore. Sometimes sex with your ex is the best way to say goodbye.

Photographer: Brooke Womack

The Cons of Sex with an Ex

It’s Confusing

You might think it’s a good idea, but what if sex with your ex means more to you than him? The last thing you want is old feelings resurfacing and him not reciprocating them. It’s important to discuss what being physical means to each of you and decide whether you can handle it.

Are you friends with benefits? Or do you just meet for sex? There are so many things to think about when you make this casual with an ex. Do you have time (or the emotional resilience) for all that confusion?

Is It Time to Move On?

Moving on is scary and sometimes we distract ourselves with other things. Nobody knows what will happen in their next relationship, but if you know things won’t work out with your ex, then stop hiding behind him.

You might think things are great, but is your ex dating people? If so it’s obvious you’re a stop gap before he finds something else. You need to do the same.

Love and Lose, or Not to Love Anymore?

One of the saddest things about sex with an ex is it can make you realize the love isn’t there anymore. It’s hard to accept that you don’t feel the same way about your ex and some people prefer to part ways with those feelings of love still there.

Photographer: Lauren Jackson

To Do It Or Not To Do It?

So, should you have sex with your ex? There are so many things to consider and it depends on your personal circumstances. For many people, sex with an ex provides closure or a new dimension to their relationship.

However, break-ups happen for a reason and sometimes it’s just best to move on and find someone new. Whatever you choose, make sure it’s the healthiest decision for you.

The journey back to single life is a big adjustment, and it can take time (and a whole lotta introspection) to get there.  Here are some tips to help you move on after a long term relationship ends.

Written by:
Dirty Boots & Messy Hair Team

Connection is what it’s all about. Feel free to reach out to us with any comments or questions you might have, even if it’s only to say hello. If it wasn’t for our beautiful community, this place just wouldn’t feel the same.

15 Jan 2019


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