Who doesn’t want a happily ever after; to go through life with a partner who never betrays or hurts you?

Even the most cynical among us surely can’t deny the appeal of having someone always fighting your corner. Someone you can totally be yourself around, someone you can happily grow old with…

But when it comes to finding that very special person, most of us don’t know where to begin looking. We tend to think that, in order to find everlasting love, something big and dramatic needs to happen first.

Perhaps we sell all our belongings and move to the other side of the world, where we’ll meet a handsome stranger by accident? Or we recreate an Ocsar-worthy film scene, to express our undying love and rekindle an old flame?

Does there need to be magic involved, to find everlasting love?

Honestly? Yes — and no.

We’ve been conditioned by rom-coms and novels to focus on attaining the perfect kind of love. But we forget that once we do, we’ll also need to maintain it.

The stories we are told often present life-changing love as a product of fate, of some serendipitous event outside your control. The stars will align, and the universe will conspire so that you can meet your Mr Perfect, right?

Well, they might. But if they do, then that’s just the start of your story.

What will you do afterwards? What happens when the movie ends with a ‘happily ever after’ and the couple is left to their own devices, for every single day of the rest of their lives?

To find everlasting love, all you need to do is choose it. Then, keep choosing it. And that on its own, is definitely nothing short of magic.

“Forever is composed of nows,” Emily Dickinson famously wrote.

Indeed, every moment you spend together with your special someone is a new opportunity to practice being open, giving and loving. And those are your building blocks towards long term happiness.

Think of your relationship like a plant: even if the seed is there, it won’t grow unless you remember to water it and regularly check in on how healthy it is looking. Relationships that last the test of time and become #couplegoals take conscious work — and sometimes quite a lot of it!

The first thing you need to be conscious of is balance: balance between the grand gestures and the mundane, everyday stuff. Yes, you should definitely be protecting time in your busy schedules in order to go on an adventure together, but everlasting love is also about the quiet nights in, cuddled on the sofa watching Netflix.

Don’t allow some idealized vision of how your life together should look, to belittle or disregard the life you’re already living.

To find everlasting love, you don’t always need to move mountains. Sometimes it’s enough just to move slightly, so your loved one can have a little more space on the couch.

Committing to a long-lasting relationship means deciding to care about the other person during the boring times, as well as during the most exciting ones.

For example: what are the little, everyday annoyances that can really spoil their mood? Be honest! Do you know it winds them up if you don’t rinse the dishes enough before you put them in the dishwasher — or that browsing on your phone when they’re talking puts you on the fast-track to a fall out?

Being tuned in to, and truly considerate about, your SO’s pet peeves will go a long way towards keeping your relationship happy.

You’ve probably come across a lot of Instagram posts about people who were “lucky enough to marry their best friend.”

And yes, actually liking each other and sharing similar values is key to enjoying a long, happy and mostly conflict-free life together.

But noticed how we said, “almost”?

If you really want to find everlasting love, you need to let go of your preconceptions — like that happy couples never argue, annoy each other or fight.

Truth is no matter how thoughtful you are of each other’s particularities, there is absolutely no way to be on the same page about everything.

It can’t always be rainbows and roses… at least not without thorns and some rain!

Of course, you can — and should — work through your disagreements. You can listen to relationship podcasts together in order to see how other couples handle their not-so-great times. You can prioritize quality, alone time and talk about your sex needs more. You can even go to counseling (there’s definitely no shame in that).

What you shouldn’t do though, is worry that you’re somehow “less” than the couples you see on Instagram. Even if your partner is not always your best friend, even on the days when they annoy you a bit, the love you share is not going anywhere. Trust and follow that.

How can you find everlasting love if you don’t really love yourself?

Yes, it sounds like a line from a self-help book, but it’s true.

You can’t do a good job at keeping your partner’s cup full if yours is running empty. And you definitely can’t learn to trust them and give them the space they need to grow, if you feel like your own needs are not being met.

So in order to help your relationship thrive, you need to also take care of number one. Spend some time just by yourself. Do things that excite you (need some solo date night ideas?). Above everything else, be conscious and thoughtful towards your own needs. You deserve nothing less.

Everlasting love isn’t just for princesses in castles, with knights wearing shining armor.

You can have it, too.

To find it though, you should forget all the things you think you know about relationships. Focus instead on what you have inside you and around you. Trust in it and in yourself and never stop choosing it.

Sure, it won’t always be easy or a smooth ride — and if it’s not, that just means you’re normal! But we can promise that when you find everlasting love, it will be worth it.

(Psst: if you’re single right now and looking to find that magical, everlasting love, you should know that women who make the first move have greater success in dating. So, what are you waiting for?!)